"Heat" is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Brimful not of Asha but of pointless shots, horrific acting, and flaccid stabs at emotional depth, this three-hour unintentional parody of the crime thriller drama is almost as criminal as "Magnolia."
It never achieves the "so bad it's brilliant" effect of "Point Break," but instead just wallows along in its own smelly muck of "serious adult themes" all the long way until its groanworthy ending.
How did this forced, clunking script attract actors like Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, and Jon Voight? Simple : those actors need money to feed their coke / stripper habits. Each turns in a wrenchingly bad performance, choking out some of the most leaden, unnatural dialogue ever heard in a major flick. Pacino especially -- he was good in "Godfather" and great in "Scarface," but his pseudo-hard-boiled persona is so stupid and fake that he makes gangsta rap look like a "NOVA" documentary. Kilmer looks like a complete idiot reject elf nazi or something. He should have called it quits at "Tombstone."
Here's something : De Niro's mopey love interest is played by some woman with a bobo look and immense shag of curly hair, and as soon as I saw here, I was like "Hey look, it's Edie Brickell!" Well wouldn't you know it? De Niro's next line was "What's your name?" to which flopmop replies "Eady." !!!!! I'm not kidding, and there is no way this was a coincidence. She's not aware of too many things, including the fact that the movie in which she's supporting actress is a rank stack of fetid herring bowels.
There are some scenes in here that are particularly worthy of mention for their very risibility. Chief among these is the big shootout scene -- you know, the one that directly inspired the real-life 1997 "North Hollywood Shootout" wherein a couple of guys with assault rifles went ape after a bank robbery and injured ten cops. Those guys got shot a whole heck of a lot. In the world of "Heat," however, a few guys with AR-15s can take on about two dozen cars full of well-armed cops, and not only live to tell the tale, but win! As we saw in 1997, there is no @#$%ing way that a few guys could hold off, much less defeat, dozens of cops, but I guess it helps that De Niro and Co. only have to reload their rifles every 500 rounds or so. There's this ludicrous shot toward the scene's end of all these bullet-riddled cop cars (some with what look like shell holes in them) and incapacitated cops lying about as De Niro saunters out the side of the frame through a parking lot with Kilmer in tow. Unbelievable. Equally noisome during that scene is where Pacino takes a shot that no cop would ever take : from an unsupported shoulder position and with his assault rifle, he shoots junkie swine Tom Sizemore in the cabeza while Sizemore is holding up a toddler in his arms. I don't @#$%ing think so. You'd think that it would be impossible to make a huge machine gun battle boring, but these clowns somehow manage it -- I kept getting distracted and had to rewind a bunch of times to see how they "escaped." Heinous.
Another scene that's dumber than a bag of dead snakes is where the cops lay a trap for Kilmer at his wife's place. Kilmer pulls up in his car, wifey goes out on the balcony to lure him into the trap at the behest of coppers. She warns Kilmer away with a facial expression and he gets back in his product-placement Camaro and starts to leave. Wifey says to copper "It wasn't him." Copper radios his buddy downstairs to stop Kilmer and check him out; Kilmer produces a fake ID. Cop buddy radios back saying "Oh, this isn't Kilmer, it's G. Phil Wizzleteats! Says here on his license. And the car's plates are clear and registered to a totally different person! Everything looks kosher." Copeer radios back "OK, let him go." WHAT THE @#$% I'm so sure that cops on a manhunt haven't, say, looked at a photo of th' guy for whom they're lying in wait! Complete and utter unmitigated BAD WRITING.
In summation, "Heat" is hot garbage. I suffered through it so that you don't have to.
New rule of wrist : if any movie shows up as being longer than 2 hours when you pull it up in Netflix instant, TURN IT OFF RIGHT AWAY. You can save yourself a lot of heartbreak. (37,638)
Soil is the most important aspect of any urban agriculture setup. It's the soil that nourishes the crops, and so it's important to understand its composition. As mentioned in the previous section, geologically speaking, soil is composed of sand, silt, clay, organic matter, water, and air. For effective food production, the soil must have enough sand for drainage, enough silt (a sediment often originating from glacial erosion), clay, and organic matter for nutrition, and be sufficiently moist and loose for planting. In high-quality soil, all these components are balanced to create a highly desirable soil type known as "humus." [not to be confused with "hummus," though I've eaten at some restaurants that don't seem to acknowledge the difference]
The chemical makeup of soil varies greatly by region and site, and influences the growing characteristics of what's planted there. Three of the most important elements present in soil and their roles are : - Nitrogen : helps green growth - Phosphorus : helps fruiting, flowering, and root development - Potassium : helps plants resist disease and drought Together, these three elements are called "NPK," and their concentrations in a soil are a key part of assessing site suitability. Other elements are also vital ro plant growth. In the Southwest United States, soils tend to be lacking in phosphorus, manganese, boron, and zinc. Liberal application of high-quality compost and mulch will generally solve these problems, though there are element-specific amendments available (see note below).
Beginning to Plant
It's vital to consider your local climate when planning your urban ag adventure. Arizonans are lucky in that the planting season there is year-round. Check out this planting calendar put together by the Phoenix Permaculture Guild, especially if you live in an arid climate : http://bit.ly/UIWwN
Regional climates are generally discussed in terms of "climate zones." Each "zone" indicates a specific "hardiness" level that plants are recommended to have for planting in that zone. Most commercial seeds are clearly labeled with zone recommendations. The greater Phoenix area is "zone 9b," for example; this corresponds with a "low desert" climate. It's wise to choose plants that are known to thrive in your climate zone -- native plants or plants from seed that are marked as OK for your zone (one zone "higher" is generally OK -- for example, zones 9 and 10 are usually OK in Phoenix). Note, however, that seeds for which your climate is on the outer range (for Phoenix, that'd be like a seed packed labeled "Zones 3 to 9") are not a very safe bet. It's best to pick seeds for which your climate fall in a moderate range ("Zones 6 through 9").
Seeds and Transplants
Most seeds take 7 to 14 days to germinate, and then they have to sprout and grow. 60 to 90 days of growing are then needed before the plant will fruit. Transplants, on the other hand, are already germinated and sprouted.
Transplants are sometimes faster to grow, but there are factors you'll want to consider before opting for transplants : After transplantation, "buffer time" is needed for the plant to acclimate itself to its new environment, as each transplantation diminishes its resistance to drought, disease, and pests for a time until the plant recovers from the transplantation "shock". Accounting for this, leafy greens generally take about 30 days to grow after transplantation; fruiting plants, 90 days; and root crops, more than 90 days.
The bottom line is that it's generally better to grow from seed, where you'll control the entire plant life cycle. If you must start a plant indoors, try starting seed in a container of the same soil into which it'll be transplanted (the soil from your planting bed) in order to minimize the "shock" effect.
Notes on planting in November, December, January in Phoenix :
If you have seed packets that say "plant after danger of frost," that means winter planting in Phoenix. This is the time to plant what other people call "early spring vegetables." If you hear a warning of frost (rare, but it happens), just cover the plants with lightweight material (newspaper, old bedsheets, etc) by nightfall, preferably over a simple frame or stake. This will slow heat loss and prevent frostbite. Be sure to remove the cover in the morning.
Asparagus (note : must grow for one full year before you eat it), lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes, and other traditional "spring" crops are ideal to plant at this time. Seed packet instructions indicating "warm" climate mean Arizona fall through spring -- not summer.
Potatoes and root crops are best grown in loose, well-drained soil; mulch can be added to the soil to improve drainage. For potatoes, cut up the seed potatoes into one-inch pieces (this small cutting encourages them to grow quickly) , place the seed potato cutting eye-up in a depression you've made in the soil, and cover with a mound of mulchy soil. Keep the mound well-watered. When the flowers begin to bloom, you can start "robbing" new potatoes (don't take too many at once or the plant will wig out).
Notes on planting in February and March in Phoenix :
February and March are the times to plant what other people call "summer crops." These include tomotoes, peppers, okra, eggplant, melons, squash, and similar items. These need to germinate in cool 70-to-80-degree conditions and flower before the temperature hits 90 degrees. Plant early to encourage strong root systems, because a summer harvest demands roots that will bring in plenty of water and nutrients to support the plant. Don't plant late! Leave the plants in after harvest to keep weeds away and promote soil health.
A note on soil amendments :
In order to get your leached, weak soil up to snuff for planting food, you'll need to supplement its composition with "amendments" -- that is, additives. Now, many people use chemical fertilizers and such to boost productivity, but not only is that approach expensive, but it can have grave effects on your soil health in the long run and plants in the short run. Chemical fertilizers, which generally contain a lot of potassium and nitrogen, can degrade your soil's quality by increasing its salinity and raising its pH to high levels of alkalinity (these factors are worst in arid climates), and can lead to "fertilizer burn" (the symptom of which is leaf tips turnign yellow), which damages crops.
Therefore, it's best to avoid these chemical amendments altogether and stick with quality compost that you know is free of chemical rubbish. Compost will feed the crops with a broad menu of needed elements, at concentrations that are healthful for both the plants and the soil. Plan your urban agriculture setup well and with a mind toward growing region-appropriate crops, avoid monocropping in favor of rotational and companion planting, and apply sufficient compost, and you should never require the use of man-made chemical amendments.
In addition to traditional compost and compost tea, a very effective natural soil amendment is work castings -- that is, worm poo. This high-powered yet safe soil amendment is available commercially; you can also get yourself a "vermiculture" setup or "worm farm" and grow your own.
There are several other "natural" amendments which are viable for urban agronomy in cases where available compost and worm castings prove insufficient. For nitrogen boost, alfalfa meal is available. For phosphorus addition, rock and colloidal phosphates (ideally added to nitrogen inputs like manure at the composting stage, but also possible to spread directly on the soil) are options; it's advisable to check to be sure that these haven't been processed in ways that might leave harsh residues.
A note on hanging gardens :
Hanging gardens are believed to have been prevalent in Babylonian and Sumerian societies. Those were some of the hippest desert civilizations of their time, so they must have been onto something. In hanging garden arrangements, the plants actually grow upside-down. Ideal candidates for this method are tomatoes, eggplants, and similar crops. Hanging gardens create shade, double your available space, cools the environs, and is generally efficient. Old or dead trees are ideal platforms for hanging gardens, but rebar structures, chicken coops, and big fences serve very well. Terra cotta pots with a hole in the bottom can function as hanging planters.
Part 4 coming soon
The bulk of this information is drawn from the lecture series "Designing A Vegetable Garden" as presented by Heather Welch at the Phoenix Permaculture Guild (89,745)
The creature that darted into my living room had the aerial abilities of Amelia Earhart when she wasn't chocked full of laudanum and crashing airplanes into the Pacific Ocean.
This thing was as big as my pathology textbook and twice as deadly. I finally lured it into my kitchen by opening the blinds and watching it smack head first into the window. Sort of surprising considering I've neglected its cleaning for so long that it's opacity makes the hellish Phoenix sun on one side look like mid morning in Boston on the other.
Having dazed it a little and bought myself some time to consider different methods of dispatch, I thought back to my organic chemistry class. What do you do to an animal that breathes through it's skin? ...
I got it right on the first try when I picked up the maximum strength Formula 409. With the fly swatter in one hand and the bottle in the other, I alternated between swiping and shooting at the fucker until finally it perched, likely fatigued, at the very apex of my 13 foot vaulted ceiling. 409, being designed specifically to kill living creatures at long distances, launched a final volley of liquid death that vanquished my foe and sent him circling towards the floor, where my cat immediately launched in to finish the job.
Forget nerve gas. Saddam should've just thrown water-balloons of 409 at the Shiites. It'd give a whole new take on "ethnic cleansing." (38,841)
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