1m1w
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Poster: 1m1w @ Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:24 am
So here are the top ten reasons why you would be better off having HIV/AIDS:
1) You will finally get laid.
Between the support groups and the Cure rallies, you are gonna be smothered in nasty pockmarked AIDSex from noon to night. If you are a homosexual man, you probably will never spend the night alone again for the rest of your days which probably will be more than you might imagine (no) thanks to modern medicine. Assuming your AIDS was the result of a casual affair and not some horrible medical accident, you probably were already getting laid, but sheer statistics are in your favor now as you can have unsafe sex with as many fellow AIDSians as you wish with no harm whatsoever. What are you scared of a little chlamydia now that you have full blown fucking AIDS? Pussy.
2) You can finally play the victim.
Yes, you love to be a victim. You love the United States Prime Time Victim show. Bells, Gila Copters, Church Bells...
3) You can chop up and snort the drug cocktail and get really fucking high.
This one pretty much single handedly explains every post Star Wars executive decision made by George Lucas as well as the careers of Milli Vanilli and I'm guessing Vanilla Ice as well. While cocaine may be one hell of a drug, HIV/AIDS medicines will literally allow you to watch your brain sodomize itself and bleed in hi-def realtime spacetime continuum hyper lucid subspace transfer r-type laser canon motherbrain final boss mode. Shit is intense, don't beleive me? Ask those kids in South Africa, motherfuckers know what is up.
The downside... shit's costly. Upside? Shit's costly.
4) Your parents will probably let you move back in.
Free internet porn and a couch to jerk off on, life is good once again. Probably still not worth living, but good enough to wake up for at least. Just make sure to hide all your cumrags at the bottom of the hamper or you gonna have some 'splainin to do!
5) Any shitheel you've fucked recently who had the nerve to avoid you and never call you back is now officially and totally fucked.
Hey to be fair, so are you. But s/he totally fucking deserved it.
6) No one will ever kick your ass again.
If the situation ever begins to occur, simply start spitting and coughing and loudly proclaiming that you are an AIDS ridden walking corpse and a derelict of healthiness. Not even the methed will fuck with you.
7) You'll probably get a job out of it.
You can always work as a test subject for experimental medical studies. I mean, what have you got to lose?
8) Ween wrote a song about you.
Dude, its fucking Ween. Geener and Deaner, man.
And since I'm myself ridden with the HIV/AIDS and cannot successfully count, we will stop there for today children. Reading this post in its entirety will not protect you from AIDS, be careful what you allow to enter your rectums boys and girls. This is the Cocktail Commando snorting another rail of AIDS meds in your honor while signing off.
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