Do:
Use plenty of lubrication, natural or synthetic. After all, a chafed organ wails like Billy Corgan.
Be mindful of involuntary body noises if male, if female... just giggle.
Burst into song if the mood strikes you, after all the opening chords of Deep Purple's classic 'Smoke on the Water' sound much better vocalized. Politely refrain from the Madonna however, as Cher is much more becoming.
Lock all kitties out of the room before and immediately after the act occurs.
Give the neighbors 24 hour notice. 48 hours is reccomended by Japanese scientists, however it has been brought to Miss Manners attention that the Japanese do not in fact possess souls and as such should not be heeded by anyone.
Remain in contact with all involved parties after said act has commenced.
If at all possible, hire an interlocutrix. Hire two.
Don't:
Interrupt the session on account of the balls touching, such accidents are natural and only on the third occasion should a meaningful and direct exchange of willfull glances occur between the involved parties.
Use your illusion. Under any circumstance.
Call for your mother.
Alert the proper authorities.
React in any way to any legal threats or cries of pain.
Feed the bears.
Let the neighbor kid watch.
Let the hand cramps interfere with the task at hand.
Exclaim, "Word." upon disengaging from an intercourse.
Let practical (i.e. popular) opinion discourage your latent discharge, let loose with the fury of 10,000 pert hemp plants.
Feed involved parties after midnight, be wary of clock-cord biting hijinx. Hoarde the fried chicken just in case.
Do the whole flowers routine, what are you? A queer?
Believe the hype. (57,687)
Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:23 am Most of these are spot on, but the prohibition against saying "Word" upon disengagement is culturally insensitive. My people have been using this utterance as an expression of satisfaction for centuries, long before colonial interests robbed us of our culture and our language of its meaning.
Can Miss Manners address the propriety of :
-Sprinkling 'Ritz Bitz' on the mattress afterward to absorb wayward fluids
Wed Aug 06, 2008 12:06 am Let the record show that Miss Manners is a grotesquely obstentious cunt whom took advantage of my gracious hospitality by drinking all of my beer, eating all of my food, never once flushing the toilet and repeatedly crank calling Dr. Phil (her DP partner?) In the way that a doctor can have the most detestible habits known to humanity, Miss Manners exemplified the civilty of a short faced bear during her brief yet repugnant stay.
Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:12 am Oh wow fuck, ninja doctor.
Now I'm not a queer 'r nuthin'... but if I had to have a doc cram his fingers up my arse to check if the ol' prostate is still drippin' in a timely manner... well I'd want it to be ol' Doc Shokasuge. In 'n out, real quick like, kinna like a jackrabbit.
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